Puns in the Sun

Sorry for the break. This one comes in from a long time reader and jets fan.

Everyone knows sports teams lend themselves well to pun headlines. It’s impossible for any of the mouth-breathing simpletons at the sun to look past the virtually endless amount of puns that fit any and all situations like:

A win - Greenbay ‘Packs’ punch at home opener.

A lose - St Louis singing the ‘Blues’ with latest defeat

A death - Jets ‘jettison’ tears at late teammates funeral.

The list goes on.

Fuck you Winnipeg Sun.

This is the second Sweet to Tweet conversion we’ve seen in the last little while, the first being Tweet and Sour.  So, I figure, let’s just get the other obvious Tweet puns, that are to sure to come, out of the way now.  I present to you, the rest: tweet potato fries; tweet home alabama; tweetheart; tweet emotion; tweet dreams are made of these; tweet fancy moses; the tweetlife; tweet child of mine; and my favorite, Cadbury’s Tweet Marie.  Don’t be surprised to see any of these tweet puns being used as headlines for articles about Twitter in the Winnipeg Sun.  In fact, I’m gonna go copyright these right now…

Riots can usually get anyone’s attention.  Anyone, except Sun News readers.  No, not them.  You need a clever headline alluding to gastrointestinal disorders to get their attention.  In fact, now that I look at it closer, this picture is a horrible choice for a NEWS paper.  Sure, it’s got a fart joke, but where are the tits?

I swear, anything to have a half page spread of the Biebs… the Sun will do.  I don’t blame them either, I mean, he’s all the rage right now.  So much in fact, that even the god-awful Satan-inspired pun, “Tweet and Sour” won’t distract them from his dimply fuckable face.  Me, personally… not the hugest Biebs fan.  So all I can think about is the Oxycontin addicted writer that came up with this gem of a pun of a gem… of a pun.  Granted, this is in the entertainment section which, according to sources, has a mandatory shitty-pun policy… but still, Tweet and Sour?  Jesus didn’t die for this.

“I know it’s a shitty pun, goddammit!  But hell, it’s Easter weekend, and I’ve got shit to do.  You wanna waste your whole fucking weekend thinking up clever puns, be my guest.  I’m done though, I don’t give a fuck anymore.  FAN-TASTIC, print it goddammit.”  -Kevin Klein, Publisher and CEO; Winnipeg Sun  

Is it just me, or does reading the newspaper give you the craziest hard-on?  This isn’t a pun and really, this snapshot of a Sun Newspaper cover page shouldn’t be on this blog.  But I wanted to take the time to applaud the journalistic integrity of the Sun News Corp.  I’m not being facetious either.  In all seriousness, of all the newspapers I’ve come across locally, nationally, and internationally, no news agency brings the TITS like Sun News.  KEEP IT CUMMING SUN!!! (there’s your pun for the day, enjoy!) 

This is one of those layered puns.  Layered like a cake… a layered cake.  Oil is well could be a play on ‘All is Well’, or an oil well, or the fact that Obama is a Muslim; you just don’t know.  But don’t worry about trying to figure it out.  After all, oil’s well that ends pun.  

I’m not a huge fan of this pun, simply because jokes about Katy Perry’s knockers are easier to make than knock knock jokes.  Then again, it is better than the Sun’s original headline for this article:  Katy Perry to tit out 3D tits big tits.

Puns are like colors in that some are bright and vivid, while others are soft and subtle.   Plus, when making puns comes as easy as dropping a letter off a word, can you blame them for taking advantage of the situation?  Yes.  Yes you pun.  Can.